Name or Alias: Crazy like my Mamma

Right so this isn't really my confession just a little thing that my mam did....
A few years ago my dad's sister died and we were at the wake after her funeral (in her house) anyway my mam and myself were helping make cups of tea, and just generally helping out. They were, let's just say a bit posh and had sugar cubes and the best China cups out. Then someone asked for half a sugar - my mam looked at the sugar cube and bit in half and calmly popped it into the cup of tea, honestly I was mortified and also wanted to laugh (not really appropriate at a wake) to this day I think about it - my mam passed away just over a year ago and this is one of her many funny little stories that make me smile.\

Submitted by Crazy like my Mamma

A few years ago my husband and I were being intimate. I was on top and enjoying myself immensely. In the middle of my third orgasm I POOPED!! I was so embarrassed and humiliated I cried. I’ve never told anyone about this. I’m forever afraid of it happening again.

Submitted by Anonymous

1. My husband is taking kids away for half term as I couldn’t get the time off. Er I could get the time off I just told my boss that I didn’t want him to say yes to the time off.

2. My mother in law who is a pain in the arse bought me an expensive house plant that I didn’t like. I watered it with bleach. It died. I wasn’t heartbroken.

Submitted by Anonymous

While in college I went out with a group of guys and a girlfriend. We were at a club and dancing. One fella, who was a friend of mine kept coming up behind me to dance. Each time he did, I felt something large and stiff poking me in the back and butt. I moved several times hoping to escape his dance moves without ever looking back at him, but each time, something would start poking me in the lower back side. I quietly approached my girl friend and told her about the unwelcome dance moves, conspicuous bulge, and attempts to escape. She looked over at the guy friend in question and burst into uncontrollable laughter. When I looked to see what she was laughing/crying about I saw that my guy friend had his sweatshirt tied around his waist with it knotted about 4 times. My friend could not resist the opportunity to tell everyone we were with about my mistake. The guy in question, thanked me for my mistake and said he only WISHED it had been his actual erection poking me in the behind! 😂 I nearly died of embarrassment!

Submitted by Nacho average housewife

I love my partner alot but Im a slut (I dont see that word as a bad thing) and I can not live with the tought of that he is the only one I will have sex with for the rest of my life!

Submitted by RH

I tell my daughter ima take her back the the a baby store if she isn’t being good😂

Submitted by Kookie

What would you do as far as going 3 years almost with out sex from your husband and he want do anything at all nothing. He want even hug me with out asking for a hug or kiss.we been married 6 years we both are older my late husband past his wife past we got together had one together and yes he is way older than i am.iam 42 he is 64.he want take anything to help this problem. So how would u go about this mess.

Submitted by Carrie

Absolutely the funniest and worst sex encounter I’ve ever had. My fiancé and I were messing around on the couch and we had 2 small dogs. We put them on the floor so they wouldn’t get in the way, but we must have accidentally kicked a cushion onto the floor because while we’re going at it (missionary ish) our one dog hopped up on the couch and jumped up with no warning and stuck his nose in his bum. It startled him and his arms gave out. He landed on me (obviously lol) and when he did, he clenched his cheeks which pushed his balls against my bum hole. But even worse, he landed on me so hard it knocked an extremely big fart out, which vibrated his balls 🤣

He immediately went soft and sex was over for the night. He was deeply traumatized lmfao

Submitted by Danielle

Hi Tova i am nearly 43yrs old i'm a mum to four amazing boys 24yrs 23yrs 20yrs and 11yrs and nanny to a granddaughter and grandson, i am currently single and have been for many years, i haven't had many sexual partners but i have had a lot of sex! my confession is i have never and i mean NEVER had an orgasms!! sometimes i have informed my partners of this who then try and take it as a personal goal to give me one, I've tried numerous positions plus toys and nothing!! i was wondering if there's women out there who have been in the same boat and have eventually reached the shore or have they just never either and maybe any info on what works for them. I would like to remain anonymous but would love love love some advice.

kind regards A very frustrated women 😣

Submitted by Mrs S frustrated

I went to a romantic date with headlice treatment on my hair!!!!! Not sure if he noticed or not....

Submitted by Anonymous

When I was 18 years old & started to drink alcohol, I got so drunk on a houseparty that I accidentally kissed another guy who wasn‘t my boyfriend but I thought he was. & then my boyfriend came & I was like „Hey babe! ... babe? On who the fuck‘s lap am I sitting?“ My boyfriend took me away & slapped that guy 😂

Submitted by Anonymous

We recently moved house, a beautiful 3 storey house in a very lovely area, a beautiful village. We had been in a week or so. Both boys fast asleep and house really coming together. I was I'm our room which is the top floor (so don't really hear much) getting ready for when my husband comes home. I decided with the stress of moving ect it had been awhile since we had sex and I was going to do something about it. Order some very out there underwear, crouch less and lacie. Whilst getting ready I spot out the window his car and him heading in. I text to shut curtains and I would be down in a minute. I take another 5 mins to put full face of makeup on. Come down stairs feeling uncomfortable but wishful. Walk straight in the living room to find that whilst getting ready the door had gone and our new neighbours are sat in the livingroom with thier children and a gift to welcome us to the neighbourhood.... I have never been so embarrassed.

A few days latter I'm taking my son to a play group and looks at me funny and then goes "are you jen's new neighbours" and giggles when I say yes... The whole village has heard and I can't setep out the new house without feeling like stares are burning through my skin.... Moral of the story DO NOT GET SEXY FOR YOUR HUSBAND UNLESS YOU 100% SURE YOUR ALONE. other wise your neighbours kids will still call you nudy lady....

Submitted by Anonymous

When I was with my ex he had a very weird relationship with his mother, that all I heard was how his mother did a better Jobs then I did. He even once told me he heard his mum and dad having sex for over an hour and I shouldnt tire sooner and have more stamina like her. As you can imagine this was the ultimate cause to the end of our relationship..

So one evening when he got in from work I made him meatballs and pasta, and of course got his mums are so much better blah blah blah, by this point got good at ignoring him. That was the following when he tells my his mum and dad were coming over for dinner and I better cook something nice not the mess I cooks last night as he wouldn't even feed it to our dog. I was fuming. But dogs dinner left me with an idea.... A mean idea...

So as his mum and dad were sat eating dinner, his mum happened to meatballs were delicious more juicy then ever and she was impressed how the center was chunked meat, I smiled like a Cheshire cat. My boyfriend tells me it's the best thing I have ever cooked and he was so pleased I had given meatballs another try especially after how bad last night's were. I obviously didn't eat mean. After they left my boyfriend goes on about how rude I was not to eat, and how I must of brought them from a restaurant and demanded to know what was in them. I very calmly grabbed my overnight bag filled it up and as I left told him all ingredients were on the side and I was taking the dog for a walk. (with my things dumbass). Half way down the street I got a text demanding I told him it wasn't true! And that the can of dog food which I put a post note reading "meatball surprise". I just laughed told him he best go to him mum she will make it all better and never spoke to him again.

Sometime revenge really is necessary! And is OK to feel so sweet!

Submitted by Anonymous

My husband and I got married late in life (in hour late 30s). When we got married he was still a virgin. Yes clearly he was saving himself for me 🤣. Anyway... apparently before he got married he decided to buy himself one of those masturbator half doll type things, It’s basically the torso of a woman’s body. I remember having a conversation about sex with him before we got married and he very shyly told me about his little friend who I named Melissa.
When we moved in together he brought Melissa with him and now Melissa lives basically under the bed. Do I care she’s under the bed..?no I bloody don’t!

Submitted by Annonymouse

I was dating my ex boyfriend for 7 years and found out that he had been cheating on me for 5 of those 7 years and so I decided that I would get back at him by doing the same thing. I cheated on him with a guy from my school. At first I felt really good but then I started to feel guilty. Needless to say I have moved on and found someone way better who I don't cheat on!

Submitted by Josey

When I was about 14 I found out my cousin was stealing my sweets everytime he came round so one day I was so pi***d off I took a strawberry lace and but it between my bum cheeks and pulled it up throw my bum cheeks and said to him would u like the last one he ate it all up and I never confessed to anyone about it lol 🤢😟

Submitted by Lisamarie

First off love you soo much :) This actually happened to me recently..omg cant believe im confessing this. I recently became a mother again to a little girl. Between everything that is going on i accidentally left a tampon in. I started to get an odor and discharge..for christ sakes i even douched. It never occurred to me to be like hey didnt you forget something. How i eventually got it out. Well i left the need to push something and there it was upside down lmao

Submitted by Anonymous

My daughter was born 10 weeks premature and i was so used to going backwards and forwards to the hospital in my own on the bus that the first time i took my daughter on the bus in a very sleep deprived mess i got off the bus without my daughter realized just as the bus doors were closing the bus then reopened the doors i collected my daughter i was mortified

Submitted by Debbie

So my husband snores alot and always so loud! So, I have to Confess when he is snoring and in a deep sleep, I dutch oven him and the smell makes him stop!! LOL He knows nothing. It's not every night. Just the nights when I cant sleep because of him.
So, yeah that's my confession. We have been married for 14 years I've earned a good laugh!

Submitted by Momma G

Everytime I go back home there are rumours that I might be pregnant. I am not. I’m just not as fit as I was in my teens.

Obviously angry with this often REPEATED occurrence, this Summer I decided I’d say Yes to whomever asked.

What happened you ask? Well, now I’ve got a bunch of second hand baby clothes that I have no use for at the moment, but the best thing was to see the faces of people who saw me drink and smoke at the town festival. The looks of judgement. This time I owned it!

Submitted by Annonymous